On That Little Voice

We spend years as poker players (hell, as human beings...) trying to train ourselves to ignore that little Voice in your head that screams "just do it!" when faced with a compelling decision.  Sometimes it feels good to be reckless, but it certainly doesn't pay.  Until recently that is...

I am not the sort of player who mentally stays in the hand long after I've folded and agonizes over every gut-shot I could've made if I had stayed in.  72 offsuit is a great fold even if the flop comes up 777.  But lately those wild urges that hit you every once in awhile, like "let's play K2 just for the hell of it", that I have been resolutely ignoring because to indulge would just be bad poker, have been consistently hitting.  

For instance, the other week I had been playing for just under 40 minutes in our local free poker tourney with the group of regulars that is basically our second family, and had barely played a hand.  The action at my table was pretty even with no real clear leader, and I was feeling like it was time to make a move.  The button hit me and I resolved to control the hand pre-flop no matter what.  Enter 92 offsuit.  Okay... shitty hand but the plan stays.  Play position, work the table image... my standard raise is 3x the big blind, and if you're going to be in with a hand like that you'd better be willing to raise.  Then three people call behind the blinds, including a very tight player who thinks that if he doesn't have AAs he's screwed.  Now potentially 5 people are in the hand (I think there was a pre-flop raise too), and I'm sitting here with rags.  My chances of pushing enough players out of the pot and then praying that they didn't catch their flop and then convincing them that I hit mine aren't looking so good anymore, so even though I have position and the Voice telling me that I should be in this hand, it would really just be a terrible move to call and is simply not worth the pre-flop raise.  I fold.  And mathematically, talkin' shop with buddies over drinks, I will defend that decision every time.

Flop comes J, 9, 2. turn is a 9.  

Son of a bitch.
The pot had gotten pretty fatty with J2 against QQ, and had I listened to that damn little Voice I would have gotten PAID.  

This works the other way too.
A couple of months ago at the Free Poker Network state tournament for New York, I had been running up a nice little stack and was just generally feeling good.  We were down to 4 tables out of over 100 players, and I hadn't lost any significant pots.  After the dinner break we sat down, and even though I had successfully avoided playing with anyone from my local game, the new dealer who sat down was someone I knew, and didn't happen to like very much.  In the end, it doesn't really matter that I don't like him (especially since we get along just fine, he just happens to be kindof a condescending dick), but as soon as he sat down, I just started to feel unlucky.  

Now, at a poker table, as in life, you are going to be sitting down with people you don't like all the time, and you just have to fuckin' deal with it.  A weak and immature person is going to let their feelings towards another person affect them in negative ways and let those feelings bring them down, but really all that does is give whoever you don't like power over you.  These are all things I know, as a person and a poker player.  I don't now if you can tell or not, but I'm an extremely confident individual, and if you've got a problem with me that's your problem, not mine.  Yet still, amidst all this, I just felt the tides start to change.

So I says to myself I says, "Toni.  You're just being stupid.  Whether or not so and so sits down has absolutely  no affect on your play whatsoever.  Your game is tight.  Man up.  Shut up.  And Play."  After that I caught some great hands, A10 suited, AJ, QQ, and I think I was out within 10 minutes.  I lost coinflips, got sucked out on, and even though my play was by the book and I didn't make any stupid decisions,  the cards just weren't there.  

After 3-4 missed Voice related opportunities in this last regional tournament that I just played last week, I think I need to re-evaluate how I define that reckless little Voice and maybe start thinking of it as Intuition.  Gotta strike that balance between knowing the odds and knowing the game, and sometimes just throwing that all to the wind.  Maybe it's 'cuz I'm a Mama now that the Voice got so much more "right"... it used to just lose me a lot of chips!