As white fluffy snow drifts down outside my window and my Christmas decorations beg to be taken down, it's time to pause and consider that 2012 is quickly coming to a close and 2013 is on the horizon. It's been a good year, mostly due to the birth of my son, but I am ready and rearin' for the whirlwind that will be 2013.
I never used to be one to make resolutions at New Years, mostly because I never make promises I don't intend to keep, but in 2011, as I kept telling myself "you gotta do "this/that" more often" or "I'm going to start doing "that" once the baby is born" I realized that I needed to set a goal for myself and stick to it. So last year I resolved to become more (re?) involved in Art History in whatever forms I could. As I announced it on Facebook to the great inter-ether I thanked social media for giving me some form of accountability so that I couldn't just sweep this goal under the rug. I figured getting "more involved" was going to mean something simple like subscribing to The Art Journal or something similar, but it ended up leading me to an independent research project on the function of art in defining identity in colonial Mexico and how (if) similar devices are being used in defining a nationalist identity in contemporary Mexico and the American Southwest. Sounds good right? It's actually a GINORMOUS question with lots of implications that I'm probably not smart enough to answer and would/will take a lifetime to develop informed opinions that may matter, so for now I'm just doing a little focused research on the Casta paintings in 16th-18th century New Spain. But I digress...
A recent pilgrimage to our nation's capital and the Smithsonian National Gallery of Art seemed like the perfect way to wrap up 2012 and transition into the new year. I tend to get big ideas in my head, start them strong, and let them peter out relatively quickly. Reading the tight little blurbs on the walls next to the paintings and walking the marble floors of the national gallery made me feel proud of my huge omni book of notes and stack of library books on my research topic sitting in my little book bag waiting to be taken to my favorite coffee shop. I remembered the feelings I had as a student sitting in ARH 352, wanting to be a part of the world that discussed and considered art as an exercise in meaning. With my new project, I feel that I am well on my way to doing so, and at the very least will avoid letting that desire from my youth slip quietly into the dark night as the sunrise of my family predominates my world.
So now, for 2013. Christmas decorations may glare at me from my walls as a nagging "to-do" that I really gotta get to... but the wreaths and ornaments ain't got nothin' on the constant guilt trip that my idle easel and empty art table constantly send me on. I have endless reasons why I haven't engaged in any art-making since our arrival in Ithaca a year and a half ago. "I don't like to work in the living room, I don't want to risk getting the pergo floors dirty, I don't have a model to draw from, I'm pregnant, I have a baby, I don't have any drawing pencils, it's cold out..." etc. But the bottom line is, if you are an artist, you find a way. Until now, I've constantly been in some kind of art class/studio since I was 8 years old, and used to take refuge in painting and drawing as a way to deal with my external environment and cope with emotions that I couldn't express in any other way. Once I hit college, the class load and assignments due for my art courses halted the production of my own, personal works, and even sketching became a bit of a chore. In the process of growing up, finding a healthy and loving relationship, and just generally getting on with life, I have found that in my happiness I lack the passion inspired by tumult and adversity to really drive me into my work. Without it, I fear that I am losing the technical skills and that my eye is growing dim.
It's time for me to stop the excuses, stop expecting that the next thing I create will be the execution of one of my grand ideas, and just get into the habit of drawing again. I have all the tools I need, I just need the resolve.
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