I really need to get better at writing these things as they come into my head and while they are relevant. My mind is now in a pre-Christmas haze of happiness and cuddles, but this topic has to come after the last one so here goes...
It occurred to me that in my previous post, On My Husband, I could have tied the story back to the theme of this blog a little better, and that, in retrospect, I may have come off as a bit of a slut. Although ya know, in the eyes of the kind of people that judge and label women as sluts, I guess I kinda am.
Our society as a whole has some amazingly prudish views on sex and the body left over from the Victorian era, and I for one hope that we can move past them as we continue to march into the 21st century, if for no other reason then that I think it sucks that I can't walk around in my bra and panties once Liam gets old enough to remember things. Its not that I want to be naked in front of my son... that's weird... I just want to be able to be comfortable in my own home. But in America today, he won't be exposed to the nude female body in his everyday life except as a highly sexualized object, and as something that is mystified behind closed doors as the "Anatomical Other". So if his Mama is prancing around in her grungies and is the only bare female form he's ever seen, then that body automatically becomes objectified as well.
I think that even in my generation of young parents, moms and dads still dread sitting down and having "the talk" with their kids once they hit that tumultuous and confusing age of puberty, because most of us wait until the hormones are raging in a child to bring up issues of sex and the body. But sex and the way we express affection (both physically and emotionally) is one of the most important factors in developing adult relationships, so why wait until our children are almost adults to begin to teach them? Just like learning a language is infinitely easier for the mold-able mind of a toddler, waiting until puberty to teach the language of love is like trying to sit through a mindless recitation of -AR verbs in first period Spanish. Is it possible? Yes of course. There are tons of healthy relationships out there built on the traditional views of today. But is there a better way? I think so.
Maybe we are a long ways away from shared bath houses and a general familiarity with the nude forms of the opposite sex (or the same sex for that matter), but we can still help our children feel comfortable with their own bodies and not feel embarrassed by the natural curiosity we are all born with. The more open we are as adults, the more comfortable they will be to come to us with questions and concerns, so that we are making sure that they have the tools to foster healthy, loving relationships. Hug each other. Dance in the kitchen. Kiss your spouse right on the mouth. Showing affection and making intimacy part of the every day routine is the first step towards raising a kid who is comfortable with their own feelings of love and affection, including those awkward and unavoidable teenage urges.
**My favorite source of straight-forward information and help with talking to young adults has always been Sue Johanson. The woman just does wonderful work.**
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