I had a different post in the works over the last few days, but I just couldn't bring myself to keep a light tone and brush over the tragedy that happened Friday morning in Connecticut. As a citizen, news of shooting sprees and rampages that seem to be occurring way too frequently in my lifetime has always saddened me, brought a tear to my eye, and made my heart break. Now, however, as a mother, this slaughter of helpless babies has weighed on me, body and soul, in a deep visceral reaction that leaves me sick and speechless. No one will be able to find the words to heal the suffering caused by this senseless act of violence, let alone of the twenty families whose children were taken from them. I cannot even begin to try.
I think it is a natural part of the human condition to want to know more about events like this (sparking the inevitable media blitz that follows) so that we can begin to rationalize and identify causes and solutions. We assign blame to any and every tangible thing that we can see and say "Look! There it is! This is the problem, and we can fix it!" In the last few days, my Facebook newsfeed has been host to all kinds of mudslinging and finger pointing that goes along with this natural need to rationalize. I myself cannot abide the simplistic and politicized "solutions" that tend to be compressed into snotty little pictures that use tragedies like this one to make a point. However, I am not immune to the need to rationalize, and have been ruminating over the last few days on a theory of my own that is sprung from my deep sadness. Talking about it, writing it down, and sharing it is the only way that I can think of to help in the healing process, but please keep in mind that these are my own thoughts as they make sense for me. Not a well researched and supported plan of action meant to assign blame or tell our society what it "should" be doing.
What is different about what we, as Americans, are doing to support this environment of violence? Why is it that in my lifetime it feels like we can't get through a year without a shooting spree? I'm sure it is just because of the condition of my life right now, but the first place that I look to is how we are raising our children. I, like many Americans, value my privacy, but indulging in that desire seems to have come at the expense of community. When parents bring home their children, they are left alone with their nuclear family and are solely responsible for the care and upbringing of that child. Those of us who are lucky have strong familial support systems, and a loving friend or parent to call for backup, but that is not the case for everyone. Even those that do have people who love them in their lives often feel a sense of isolation and loneliness in the postpartum period, which is simply considered "normal" in our country. When that child grows, we as parents remain the head and center of their world, and take on the burden of education, entertainment, nutrition, hygiene, general well being, etc. on our own, with limited and varied resources to call on for back-up. But that saying that it takes a village to raise a child didn't come from nowhere, and I feel like this "every-family-in-it-for-themselves" paradigm is a generally new one in the history of the human race. Even more new is the distance we have put between ourselves and our neighbors. The block party is nearly dead. And the dinner party seems to be an outdated tradition outside of the holidays.
What, then, happens when you have a family who is broken? Who does not reach out for help when they need it, or has no one reliable to call on? What if there exists between parent and child an unhealthy relationship fostering psychosis with no one to raise any red flags? A child may feel the desire to reach out, but don't talk to strangers little one. What if a mother who is over-worked and over-stressed doesn't have anything left to give to her family at the end of the day, but to admit it would be to admit failure? I'm not saying that it is the responsibility of others to raise your children, or that feelings of isolation always lead to mass shootings (because if they did I think that we would be seeing many more of them), but these things don't just happen, and you have to wonder why no one was in a position to say anything was going wrong. We foster an environment where "everybody's fine" and we do not want to look any deeper than that, because we do not want to overstep the boundaries that have been put up by our desire for privacy. Familial issues and emotional problems are sorted out behind closed doors, and relayed only to our most intimate of friends, if anybody at all.
I think that if we get in the habit of including others in our lives, of talking about and discussing problems, hopes, and dreams, and of bringing in and making efforts to accept the "lone wolf", we put ourselves in a much better position to prevent senseless acts of violence. If every mother had a giant living room in which to gather and chat with other parents while their kids ran around and got to know one another, the next generation would know the value of community and friendship and, most importantly, human life. Let us foster those positive and basic morals in children, rather than living in fear of full-grown evil.
Ignore the finger of blame. Remember the victims. And reach out to those around you so that we teach our little ones that it is okay to ask for and to offer a helping hand.
No comments:
Post a Comment